Stored but not Forgotten

Time is a funny thing. Again, I have so much I want to share with you but alas my bedtime has crept up on me. But after stumbling upon this today I had to reflect on it...


I accidentally hit the shortcut to my South Africa blog this afternoon and it turns out my last entry was exactly one year ago today (check it out: http://janellesafricanadventures.blogspot.com/). A wave of emotions surged through me in the thirty seconds it took me to re-read my own words. Forgive me for the redundancy from my last entry but the fact that I was overseas over a year ago now is still surreal to me. But that's not the point. The point is in spite of all the hardships of this past year, I knew on June 26, 2011 that whatever I was going through and whatever laid before me, God was going to provide and pull me through it. Sometimes He had to drag me kicking and screaming because I hated the idea of change but as I sit here with all the wonderful opportunities before me, I'm glad He did. 


Although I still long for the experiences and people I left in South Africa, they have been stored in a special place of my heart. For if there is one lesson I have learned this past week it's the fact that clinging to the past and hopes of what "might be" obscure your vision from the present and what "is" right before you. Don't get me wrong, I still plan on returning there once I'm done with PA school, but I don't know if my life is meant to stay there. The funny thing is if you repeated what I just said to you to the last-week-Janelle she would've been like "What are you nuts?! I'm living there the rest of my life!" And who knows? That may happen but I don't want to limit my options by focusing on solely one thing. Funny how making peace with your past allows you to open your eyes. Much has happened in this past week and I'm glad I opened my eyes when I did because I may have missed an incredible opportunity otherwise.


What have you been holding onto lately? A grudge? An unrealistic desire? Or perhaps you've been holding onto the idea of someone - a broken love, a long-distance fantasy. We've all been there and it's healthy to have dreams and ambitions. But when our heart clings to things/people that our brain knows is unrealistic, we fall into a rut, unable to truly move forward without first making peace with ourselves. Whatever or whoever it may be, I challenge you to reflect on why you've been holding on for so long. What is preventing you from letting go? Anger? Lust? Pain? All of the above? The list goes on but I pray that you find the courage and the strength to allow yourself to "move on." I know that's asking a lot and I'm well aware it won't happen overnight. But bit by bit, day by day you'll be amazed how much you'll discover when you have that long overdue conversation with yourself and make peace with your past. Understand that I'm not asking you to simply forget those struggles. That's near impossible. I am simply encouraging you to store them away into a special place of your heart. 


There's only one question left: you hold the key - will you lock it?


Blessings,


Janelle 

How Did You Get Here?

Much has happened over these past few weeks and I am well aware that it only took two weeks before I fell behind my goal - but rest assured it has been for good reason. Unfortunately, sleep beckons and I have not the time nor the energy to give justice to the many reflections I've had so they shall wait until tomorrow...but before I slumber I will share this:


Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my return to The States. Surreal doesn't even begin to describe how I feel when I realized how quickly this year passed, but it did not fly by without it's trials. I agree with Mother Theresa that "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle...I just wish He didn't trust me so much," and He truly tested my endurance since most days out of the last 365 were overflowing with stress and anxiety. But here I am, a year later and I wouldn't change a thing if I was offered the chance; My mom's misdiagnosis with cancer gave me the chance to tell her I love her more often. Missing 8 days of class to travel with the MU band proved that college is much more than grades on a transcript. Even old heartache provided a new and genuine friendship that has blossomed over the past few months. I could go on and on but I think you get my point. So, I sit here in my own apartment, a place I can finally call my own - working towards an exciting and promising profession at a prestigious university, surrounded by incredible friends and blessed with a supportive family. I can confidently say that I have grown immensely since I set foot back in the USA and am deeply grateful for all that has happened. That's not to say I don't long for the relationships, memories, and experiences I had overseas - I do indeed but they hold a special place in my heart as I continue moving forward though life's journey. I have flown to new heights and the view from this tree is getting better by the day.


It's easy to re-evaluate our life when January 1st rolls around and everyone's raving about their new resolution(s). It's crazy but 2012 is actually almost halfway over - how are those [long-forgotten] resolutions holding up? More importantly (especially if you didn't make a resolution or it fell through the cracks before February rolled around) how are you doing since this time last year? Perhaps June 19, 2011 wasn't as meaningful of a day for you as it was for me but I challenge you to think about how life has been for you for the past 365 days. What kind of challenges have you endured? Which moments took your breath away? How often did you count your blessings? Take time for an adventure? The list goes on and on. Obviously, each of us has taken a unique path to get to where we are now, but whichever winding road you took I hope you would choose it again if given the chance to change it. Because as much as we'd like to erase the painful moments from our memory we can't. Fortunately, it's the tears of pain and sweat of endurance that water our inner seed of humanity, allowing us to grow, live and love. And if we're lucky, our trials will give us the courage to spread our wings and soar to new heights. There are countless branches out there - how did you get to yours?


Blessings,


Janelle

Let's go on an Adventure!

I've never pegged myself much of an "adventure seeker" until last year when I was in South Africa. Since I only had 5 precious months there I needed to make each moment worthwhile. From mountain climbing and sight seeing to shark cage diving and bungee jumping, each day became it's own adventure. Even the days I spent around the neighborhood were thrilling in their own way - finding a new running path, trying a different restaurant, checking out local shops; I discovered the little things had just as much value, if not more, than those that got my blood rushing. After being back in the States for almost a year now, I realized I had lost that curiosity and desire to explore my surroundings. That is, until last night.


Last night I went on an adventure. It was simple but completely eye-opening. The sky was a velvety black when I met my friend Sam outside. He wanted to show me one of his favorite spots in the city so when we started walking I had no idea where we were headed but I loved it. For someone who lives by a planner and a schedule it was freeing to let go and embrace the sensation of wandering. Purposeful wandering. When we arrived at the destination I stood there in awe. There was nothing out of the ordinary - water, stars, trees, but the arrangement was beautiful in a simple way. He told me that he stumbled upon this place when he was walking around one day and I couldn't help but wonder, "When was the last time I did that? Just take the time to walk around with no itinerary and see what I find?" The fact that I couldn't remember motivated this entry.  "Milwaukee has so much to offer but unlike Chicago where you can easily find cool things in a lot of places, you have to look for those spots here." "You're right, Sam...guess I've got a lot of exploring to do!"


When was the last time you threw your schedule to the wind and went on an adventure? I'm not talking five day camping trips out in the woods (though those count too) but even just five minutes to put down that article for class or project for work and simply observe your surroundings? You might have noticed how windy it was when your hair annoyingly whipped across your face a dozen times but did you see how the trees over there elegantly danced in rhythm with the breeze? Or how about the little boy laughing as he played with a stick at the bus stop when you rushed across the street to class?


So what are you waiting for? Go on an adventure - you never know what you're missing unless you take the time to look.


Blessings,


Janelle

Will you join me?

"I never thought this day would come." A common phrase on the lips of many recent college graduates. We all heard it from our parents, "They're the best four years of your life so live it up because they fly by" but often it just went in one ear and out the other. For me, adjusting to a heavy course load, new environment, and 60 housemates my first semester was enough to make it feel like 2 years, so I was actually wondering how in the world I was going to make it through 3.5 more...I could've sworn those thoughts were buzzing around my head just yesterday yet here I am, a recent grad. In addition to being an Evans Scholar, my situation is a little different than most of my friends. It all started this past January...

"This placed is packed with underclassman!"

Looking around the ballroom I couldn't agree more. "Wow...we're old, Lissie. I feel so...out of place, which is weird because I love dances but this one...I dunno, it's as if we're finally being nudged out of the nest"

"Yea...this is weird."

...and that's when it first hit me. I finally understood what it felt like to be "nudged from the nest." It was a foreign feeling and I didn’t like it. Sure, I felt a little bit of it in high school but a majority of my independence and personal growth occurred in the last four years, so instead of being excited to fly to new heights I was scared out of my mind. As the semester continued I learned to accept this new change. Feelings of longing to relive old memories were replaced with excitement to form new ones. Here is where my situation becomes unique: most of my friends were going off to grad school or work in various states after graduation, spreading their wings to far horizons. I was also spreading my wings and flying...but simply to the next tree over. I will be staying in Milwaukee for the next two years to finish the Marquette Physician Assistant Program, so I didn't have far to fly. But I still had to leave the nest. I said goodbye to the Evans Scholar house which has been my home for the last four years and (as of next weekend) hello to my own studio. I parted ways with an undergrad schedule and as of this past Monday invested myself into a graduate routine of classes from 8-4 Monday thru Friday. I left my tree of comfort and security for one with higher branches but a gorgeous view. I'm only three days into year two of the program and I'm already excited for what lies ahead. Those ahead of me in the program warned me that this will be the most challenging and taxing year of my academic career but that's only in the short-term. A year is nothing compared to a long-term future of promise, opportunities, and success. Which brings me to the purpose of creating this blog...

Life is about more than grades and exams. It's beyond the sweat of anxiety, tears of struggle, and fears of failure. I can assure you that I will experience all of these feelings this year because they come with the territory of a rigorous academic program, but I will not let them control me. This is why I created this blog. To keep me grounded and serve as a tangible reference that life is much more than any problem I'm currently facing. Life is not a noun, it's a verb. In our busy lives we often forget that life is to live. It's walking along the lake and taking goofy statue pictures with your Aunt and Uncle. It's stuffing yourself with dirt cups until you feel sick with your girlfriends. It's calling your Mom to tell her you love her because she doesn't hear it enough. The list goes on and on but do you get my point? 

So, my goal is to post something inspirational, encouraging, thought-provoking, etc once a week, most likely on Wednesdays since that marks "hump day" and we could all use a little food-for-thought to get over the "hump" in each of our lives. 

I would love for you to join me in my journey, exploring this hazy yet beautiful view from another tree.

Have a blessed week,

Janelle