The Perks of Having Two Birthdays

Growing up I thought it was so cool that I got two birthdays. Yep, that's right - not one but two birthdays. For those of you who don't know, I am adopted. I consider it the biggest blessing in my life because I know if I wasn't adopted, I would not be in this world. There are many facets of adoption, including whether the case is open or closed, the reasons behind the adoption, and lots and lots of paperwork. I was adopted at birth and my parents were actually at the hospital when I was born. God could not have blessed me with a more wonderful set of parents and I am beyond grateful for they have directly shaped who I am today. My birthmother has indirectly shaped me through her love and trust in God. I would love to elaborate on all of that but this is neither the time nor the place (I already feel this is quite the personal blog entry for public internet eyes), so if you would like to know more about my adoption story don't hesitate to ask me because I love telling it. 


I promise I have a point so bear with me. Remember the oodles and oodles of paperwork I alluded to? That's where my second birthday comes in. There's the day I was born (my actual birthday) and then the day that all the paperwork was official (my adoption birthday). Today is my adoption birthday. I don't advertise or make it a big deal to all my friends because that's not the point. The point is to celebrate God giving me to my parents to create a family that I couldn't imagine living without. It's a day that reminds me of how truly blessed I am. And for the first time in 22 years, I wasn't home to be with my family. I don't say that out of self-pity or to get an "awwww" but rather to make the point that not being able to be with my family made me realize how easily I take spending time with them for granted...how easily I take being alive for granted. I woke up to what felt like an ordinary day and was already kind of stressed because I have two tests later this week that I haven't paid much attention to yet (surprise surprise). I sat through class, irritated about how much work I had to do before I could start studying and then I get a phone call that I had a delivery at my apartment. I rushed home to find this...

...and then I broke down. I had been selfishly worrying about my own problems all day when my mom had gone out of her way to have this delicious fruit basket sent to me. I prayed that God free me of my own selfish grasp and so I read the poem my mom gave to me on my 21st birthday:

Once there were two women -

Who never knew each other

One you do not remember;

The other you call Mother

The first gave you life,

And the second taught you to live in it.

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality;

The other gave you a name.

One gave you the seed of talent;

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions;

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile;

The other dried your tears.

One gave you up –

It was all she could do.

The other prayed for a child;

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through your tears,

The age-old question of the years:

Hereditary or environment –

Which are you the product of?

Neither, my darling – neither

Just two kinds of love.


...several tears later I watched Mark Schultz's (one of my favorite Christian artists who is also adopted) "Everything to Me." If you haven't heard of it I highly encourage you to watch his music video. His music expresses exactly how I feel about being adopted. 

Now, you might be wondering, "Well you said you don't like to advertise your adoption birthday yet you're posting all these things in your blog about it..." You're right. Why? I want to express my gratitude for the gift of life itself. It's days like today that remind me 22.5 years ago one woman made a decision between giving me life and erasing me from this world entirely. By the grace and mercy of God, she chose life and has given everything to me. Yea, I've got a couple of stressful days ahead of me, but if it weren't for that single decision I wouldn't be alive. I wouldn't have gotten the chance to be an Evans Scholar, to attend a 4-year prestigious university, to teach underserved children in a third world country for 5 months, to be accepted into a rigorous but promising physician assistant program. And that's only in recent years! Late night flashlight tag in the summer, first loves, lifelong friends, the list goes on...


I know a majority of you aren't adopted and might have trouble fully relating to what I'm saying. Let's try a different approach: have you ever had a near-death experience? If you have, I'm sure you've tried to repress the horrific memory but I challenge you dig and grasp it for a second. However long ago it happened, try to recapture that feeling of relief of your life being spared and living to see another day. That gratitude is often lost in the daily grind of our busy lives. If you are fortunate to never have brushed skin with death, think of a loved one that has passed on. How would they see life if they got to live another day? When I get into a funk I try to remember a girl that I knew in middle school who died in a car crash when she was seventeen. If I'm freaking out over a test (which I often am) I try to catch myself and think "Well, regardless of how I do at least I am alive and have the opportunity to get a degree...Paige* never even got to graduate high school." 


I guess what I'm trying to say without being too cliche is remember to live because we truly don't know when our "expiration date" is. I don't mean to sound morbid, just realistic. I tend to live in the clouds of idealism but I'm working on incorporating a little more realism into my life. So, I encourage you to do the same. I'm not suggesting you live in fear and create a living will tomorrow, but why not start a bucket list? It gives you a tangible list of activities that will keep you accountable in "remembering to live." Here's a few of mine to give you an idea: 


1. Visit every continent at least once
2. Go Skydiving 
3. Hot air balloon across the Sierra Desert


Once you have that started I have a final challenge for you: keep a pen and a piece of paper by your bedside and when you wake up write down one reason why you're grateful you're alive. Continue to do that every morning and you'll be surprised how quickly menial stresses disappear and life comes back into focus.


So, what's on your list? 


Blessings,


Janelle

*denotes name change 

Stored but not Forgotten

Time is a funny thing. Again, I have so much I want to share with you but alas my bedtime has crept up on me. But after stumbling upon this today I had to reflect on it...


I accidentally hit the shortcut to my South Africa blog this afternoon and it turns out my last entry was exactly one year ago today (check it out: http://janellesafricanadventures.blogspot.com/). A wave of emotions surged through me in the thirty seconds it took me to re-read my own words. Forgive me for the redundancy from my last entry but the fact that I was overseas over a year ago now is still surreal to me. But that's not the point. The point is in spite of all the hardships of this past year, I knew on June 26, 2011 that whatever I was going through and whatever laid before me, God was going to provide and pull me through it. Sometimes He had to drag me kicking and screaming because I hated the idea of change but as I sit here with all the wonderful opportunities before me, I'm glad He did. 


Although I still long for the experiences and people I left in South Africa, they have been stored in a special place of my heart. For if there is one lesson I have learned this past week it's the fact that clinging to the past and hopes of what "might be" obscure your vision from the present and what "is" right before you. Don't get me wrong, I still plan on returning there once I'm done with PA school, but I don't know if my life is meant to stay there. The funny thing is if you repeated what I just said to you to the last-week-Janelle she would've been like "What are you nuts?! I'm living there the rest of my life!" And who knows? That may happen but I don't want to limit my options by focusing on solely one thing. Funny how making peace with your past allows you to open your eyes. Much has happened in this past week and I'm glad I opened my eyes when I did because I may have missed an incredible opportunity otherwise.


What have you been holding onto lately? A grudge? An unrealistic desire? Or perhaps you've been holding onto the idea of someone - a broken love, a long-distance fantasy. We've all been there and it's healthy to have dreams and ambitions. But when our heart clings to things/people that our brain knows is unrealistic, we fall into a rut, unable to truly move forward without first making peace with ourselves. Whatever or whoever it may be, I challenge you to reflect on why you've been holding on for so long. What is preventing you from letting go? Anger? Lust? Pain? All of the above? The list goes on but I pray that you find the courage and the strength to allow yourself to "move on." I know that's asking a lot and I'm well aware it won't happen overnight. But bit by bit, day by day you'll be amazed how much you'll discover when you have that long overdue conversation with yourself and make peace with your past. Understand that I'm not asking you to simply forget those struggles. That's near impossible. I am simply encouraging you to store them away into a special place of your heart. 


There's only one question left: you hold the key - will you lock it?


Blessings,


Janelle 

How Did You Get Here?

Much has happened over these past few weeks and I am well aware that it only took two weeks before I fell behind my goal - but rest assured it has been for good reason. Unfortunately, sleep beckons and I have not the time nor the energy to give justice to the many reflections I've had so they shall wait until tomorrow...but before I slumber I will share this:


Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my return to The States. Surreal doesn't even begin to describe how I feel when I realized how quickly this year passed, but it did not fly by without it's trials. I agree with Mother Theresa that "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle...I just wish He didn't trust me so much," and He truly tested my endurance since most days out of the last 365 were overflowing with stress and anxiety. But here I am, a year later and I wouldn't change a thing if I was offered the chance; My mom's misdiagnosis with cancer gave me the chance to tell her I love her more often. Missing 8 days of class to travel with the MU band proved that college is much more than grades on a transcript. Even old heartache provided a new and genuine friendship that has blossomed over the past few months. I could go on and on but I think you get my point. So, I sit here in my own apartment, a place I can finally call my own - working towards an exciting and promising profession at a prestigious university, surrounded by incredible friends and blessed with a supportive family. I can confidently say that I have grown immensely since I set foot back in the USA and am deeply grateful for all that has happened. That's not to say I don't long for the relationships, memories, and experiences I had overseas - I do indeed but they hold a special place in my heart as I continue moving forward though life's journey. I have flown to new heights and the view from this tree is getting better by the day.


It's easy to re-evaluate our life when January 1st rolls around and everyone's raving about their new resolution(s). It's crazy but 2012 is actually almost halfway over - how are those [long-forgotten] resolutions holding up? More importantly (especially if you didn't make a resolution or it fell through the cracks before February rolled around) how are you doing since this time last year? Perhaps June 19, 2011 wasn't as meaningful of a day for you as it was for me but I challenge you to think about how life has been for you for the past 365 days. What kind of challenges have you endured? Which moments took your breath away? How often did you count your blessings? Take time for an adventure? The list goes on and on. Obviously, each of us has taken a unique path to get to where we are now, but whichever winding road you took I hope you would choose it again if given the chance to change it. Because as much as we'd like to erase the painful moments from our memory we can't. Fortunately, it's the tears of pain and sweat of endurance that water our inner seed of humanity, allowing us to grow, live and love. And if we're lucky, our trials will give us the courage to spread our wings and soar to new heights. There are countless branches out there - how did you get to yours?


Blessings,


Janelle

Let's go on an Adventure!

I've never pegged myself much of an "adventure seeker" until last year when I was in South Africa. Since I only had 5 precious months there I needed to make each moment worthwhile. From mountain climbing and sight seeing to shark cage diving and bungee jumping, each day became it's own adventure. Even the days I spent around the neighborhood were thrilling in their own way - finding a new running path, trying a different restaurant, checking out local shops; I discovered the little things had just as much value, if not more, than those that got my blood rushing. After being back in the States for almost a year now, I realized I had lost that curiosity and desire to explore my surroundings. That is, until last night.


Last night I went on an adventure. It was simple but completely eye-opening. The sky was a velvety black when I met my friend Sam outside. He wanted to show me one of his favorite spots in the city so when we started walking I had no idea where we were headed but I loved it. For someone who lives by a planner and a schedule it was freeing to let go and embrace the sensation of wandering. Purposeful wandering. When we arrived at the destination I stood there in awe. There was nothing out of the ordinary - water, stars, trees, but the arrangement was beautiful in a simple way. He told me that he stumbled upon this place when he was walking around one day and I couldn't help but wonder, "When was the last time I did that? Just take the time to walk around with no itinerary and see what I find?" The fact that I couldn't remember motivated this entry.  "Milwaukee has so much to offer but unlike Chicago where you can easily find cool things in a lot of places, you have to look for those spots here." "You're right, Sam...guess I've got a lot of exploring to do!"


When was the last time you threw your schedule to the wind and went on an adventure? I'm not talking five day camping trips out in the woods (though those count too) but even just five minutes to put down that article for class or project for work and simply observe your surroundings? You might have noticed how windy it was when your hair annoyingly whipped across your face a dozen times but did you see how the trees over there elegantly danced in rhythm with the breeze? Or how about the little boy laughing as he played with a stick at the bus stop when you rushed across the street to class?


So what are you waiting for? Go on an adventure - you never know what you're missing unless you take the time to look.


Blessings,


Janelle

Will you join me?

"I never thought this day would come." A common phrase on the lips of many recent college graduates. We all heard it from our parents, "They're the best four years of your life so live it up because they fly by" but often it just went in one ear and out the other. For me, adjusting to a heavy course load, new environment, and 60 housemates my first semester was enough to make it feel like 2 years, so I was actually wondering how in the world I was going to make it through 3.5 more...I could've sworn those thoughts were buzzing around my head just yesterday yet here I am, a recent grad. In addition to being an Evans Scholar, my situation is a little different than most of my friends. It all started this past January...

"This placed is packed with underclassman!"

Looking around the ballroom I couldn't agree more. "Wow...we're old, Lissie. I feel so...out of place, which is weird because I love dances but this one...I dunno, it's as if we're finally being nudged out of the nest"

"Yea...this is weird."

...and that's when it first hit me. I finally understood what it felt like to be "nudged from the nest." It was a foreign feeling and I didn’t like it. Sure, I felt a little bit of it in high school but a majority of my independence and personal growth occurred in the last four years, so instead of being excited to fly to new heights I was scared out of my mind. As the semester continued I learned to accept this new change. Feelings of longing to relive old memories were replaced with excitement to form new ones. Here is where my situation becomes unique: most of my friends were going off to grad school or work in various states after graduation, spreading their wings to far horizons. I was also spreading my wings and flying...but simply to the next tree over. I will be staying in Milwaukee for the next two years to finish the Marquette Physician Assistant Program, so I didn't have far to fly. But I still had to leave the nest. I said goodbye to the Evans Scholar house which has been my home for the last four years and (as of next weekend) hello to my own studio. I parted ways with an undergrad schedule and as of this past Monday invested myself into a graduate routine of classes from 8-4 Monday thru Friday. I left my tree of comfort and security for one with higher branches but a gorgeous view. I'm only three days into year two of the program and I'm already excited for what lies ahead. Those ahead of me in the program warned me that this will be the most challenging and taxing year of my academic career but that's only in the short-term. A year is nothing compared to a long-term future of promise, opportunities, and success. Which brings me to the purpose of creating this blog...

Life is about more than grades and exams. It's beyond the sweat of anxiety, tears of struggle, and fears of failure. I can assure you that I will experience all of these feelings this year because they come with the territory of a rigorous academic program, but I will not let them control me. This is why I created this blog. To keep me grounded and serve as a tangible reference that life is much more than any problem I'm currently facing. Life is not a noun, it's a verb. In our busy lives we often forget that life is to live. It's walking along the lake and taking goofy statue pictures with your Aunt and Uncle. It's stuffing yourself with dirt cups until you feel sick with your girlfriends. It's calling your Mom to tell her you love her because she doesn't hear it enough. The list goes on and on but do you get my point? 

So, my goal is to post something inspirational, encouraging, thought-provoking, etc once a week, most likely on Wednesdays since that marks "hump day" and we could all use a little food-for-thought to get over the "hump" in each of our lives. 

I would love for you to join me in my journey, exploring this hazy yet beautiful view from another tree.

Have a blessed week,

Janelle